“I overthink too much”
“I am always in my head”
Too much thinking or too little concluding?
This phrase is pretty common while doing initial sessions. For me it is a flare that lights up a path for inquiry and a direction within which we can work immediately. Usually, it is part of the client’s answer following my “Why are we here?” question. Other times it is a well tread narrative, conditioned and part of their self description. The turn of phrase very rarely ever reappears or is mentioned again in subsequent sessions. Hopefully, not because of my personal war on the phrase but as a result of helping clients shift paradigm.
I have a theory or two for why we say this phrase. Initially, perhaps we are asking if it is safe for us to think aloud in sessions, seeking to know if our thoughts are of value to the work, we may be disclaiming and letting someone know we have done considerable work on our issues already, we could be expressing our doubt and pessimism, apologizing for our lack of success in remedying issues despite our own efforts, pandering to a perceived co-analyst and thinking comrade, expressing hope for validation or our need for belonging.
Whatever the client’s reason, as you can probably tell by that last paragraph, they do find in me a fellow “overthinker” – viewing it through a depreciated lens obstructs growth and hinders individual wellness. It is a counterproductive view of one’sself. Thinking isn’t the issue, our relationship to our thinking is the issue.
How do we shift the paradigm?
We take their experience, reconcile it, permit it, and improve their practice of it. It is the same formula for most of my work. Be. Allow. Do.
I don’t believe that it is possible to over think or think too much. I believe it is improbable, if not impossible, to be anywhere but inside one’s own mind – in a healthy way. Rather than taking the depreciative view we engage in an alternative paradigm for viewing their analytical habits. We assume we are functioning as we are designed (evolved to). We are thinking creatures with cognitive abilities. It is one of our strengths.
I ask the client to consider their great amount of thinking as an asset to them. How has this served you? What has been the benefit of that? What value has that brought you?
If the client is willing to consider that they are not broken but working as they are able and that it is of use and serves a specific purpose that adds value to their life, the next step is easier. Permit yourself.
No one need tell us to not think, what we are thinking, or what we ought to be thinking. It may not serve all people with whom we interact if we did so with uninhibited thought. In fact, if someone is telling you or accusing you of being an overthinker – odds are good they are attempting to gaslight. We don’t need anyone else’s permission to think – only our own. Adopt an attitude of allowance with your thinking. Thoughts may occur to you that are unwanted, sure, allow them and add additional more preferred thoughts. Resisting thought is reinforcing thought.
The harm we encounter out of our experience is when we detach our thinking from our doing. Meaning – overthinking isn’t our issue, it is a lack of doing causing us harm. IT is not in our abundance of objective recall, evaluation, or analysis – all of which we stand to benefit greatly from – keeping us from growth. Our inability to draw a conclusion from our thinking hinders us. Coming to a conclusion enables us to choose an informed course of action should a similar situation arise in future. It is where we develop better more conscious disciplines in our thinking.
Leave the idea of being an over-thinker – embrace your ability and enhance it. Your strengths are meant for your goodness and there is nothing in or of you that isn’t serving you. Own it. Use it. Improve through it. Think.
In the next blog I will share a specific tool I use with clients in session and will demonstrate how to use it, improve through it, and receive value out of our ‘overthinking.’
IF you are ready to engage in your own journey towards self-possession . . . I encourage you to reach out to me at David@reamtexas.com or schedule a complimentary consultation by registering here.
