Your brain may have just gone “my relationship with what? Which would be a normal response to an abnormal question. It forces active processing and hopefully prevents an autonomic answer.
Everything in this universe is about relationships. You are relating to everything. The nature of which dictates your experiences. You have a relationship with me. To the people in the room. To your job. To your car. To yourself. To ideals. Even to this device.
Relationship expert Esther Perls says the quality of our lives is directly related to the quality of our relationships. She means of course relationships between people and I believe we can extend this idea towards ANY relationship.
Reframing some of our struggles, issues, and problems through a relationship lens creates a different dialogue. We see our phenomenological narrative from a slightly different vantage point. Hopefully, in doing so we can produce meaningful insights. Insights move the way we think and relate to the world around us. This is a process of paradigm shifting.
This article series explores commonly problematic relationships within our life domains. My intention is offer a new paradigm for approaching problems without pathologizing our human experience. The questions are self reflective and there is no right answer. No grade. Feel free to take what is useful to you and to leave behind what is not.
Let’s look at work from two helpful perspectives so that we see how a traditional material health view and an intrapersonal relational view differ. Both views are productive and both have value.
To better understand your relationship with work, consider asking yourself these insightful questions:
1. What are my core values and how do they align with my work?
- Explore your personal values:
What is truly important to you in life? (e.g., creativity, helping others, financial security, personal growth, work-life balance, etc.) - Reflect on how your work aligns:
Does your current job or career path allow you to express these values? Do you feel like you’re making a meaningful contribution aligned with your beliefs? - Identify misalignments:
If there are discrepancies between your values and your work, consider how you can bridge the gap or explore alternative career paths that better align.
2. What are my motivations for working?
- Beyond the paycheck:
Are you driven by intrinsic motivation (e.g., passion, purpose, personal fulfillment) or extrinsic motivation (e.g., salary, status, recognition)? - Explore your “why”:
What are the deeper reasons you choose to work? Do you feel a sense of purpose or meaning in your work? - Identify potential burnout triggers:
If your motivations are primarily extrinsic, you might be more susceptible to burnout or dissatisfaction.
3. What are my expectations of work and how realistic are they?
- Define your ideal work environment:
What kind of work culture, workload, and work-life balance are you seeking? - Assess your current reality:
How does your current work environment compare to your ideal? Are your expectations aligned with the realities of your job or industry? - Acknowledge your limitations:
Are you expecting too much from your job or yourself? Can you adjust your expectations to be more realistic and manageable?
4. How does my work affect my overall well-being?
- Impact on mental health:
Does your work contribute to stress, anxiety, or burnout? Or does it provide a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment? - Impact on physical health:
How does your work affect your sleep, diet, exercise habits, and overall physical health? - Impact on relationships:
Does your work create conflict or strain in your personal relationships? Or does it allow you to prioritize your loved ones?
5. What are my boundaries and how well do I enforce them?
- Define your personal boundaries:
What are your limits in terms of workload, availability, and involvement in work-related activities? - Assess your current boundary enforcement:
Do you feel comfortable saying no to extra work or requests that infringe on your boundaries? - Develop strategies for setting and upholding boundaries:
Consider how you can effectively communicate your boundaries to colleagues, supervisors, and clients.
6. How do I handle stress and challenges at work?
- Identify your stress triggers: What aspects of your work cause you the most stress or anxiety?
- Develop healthy coping mechanisms: Do you have effective strategies for managing stress, such as exercise, mindfulness, or seeking support from others?
- Assess your resilience: How well do you bounce back from challenges and setbacks at work?
7. How do I feel about my career trajectory and future prospects?
- Evaluate your career path: Are you satisfied with your current career path? Do you see yourself continuing in this field long-term?
- Explore future goals: What are your career aspirations and how do you plan to achieve them?
- Identify potential roadblocks and develop strategies to overcome them: What are the challenges or obstacles that might hinder your career progression?
8. How do I contribute to a positive work environment?
- Reflect on your interactions with colleagues: Do you foster positive relationships with your coworkers and supervisors?
- Assess your communication style: How effectively do you communicate with others at work? Do you actively listen and offer constructive feedback?
- Consider your impact on team morale: Do you contribute to a positive and collaborative work environment?
To understand your relationship with work as if it were a person-to-person relationship, consider these questions focusing on aspects like communication, needs, values, and overall well-being:
Communication & Understanding:
- How do you communicate with your work?
Do you actively engage with tasks, set goals, and reflect on progress? Or do you feel like you’re just going through the motions? - What are the “languages of love” for your work?
What makes your work feel valued and appreciated? Is it recognition, challenging tasks, autonomy, or something else? - What are the “red flags” in your work relationship?
Are there specific tasks or aspects of your job that cause you stress, frustration, or feelings of being unappreciated? - What are your work’s “love languages”?
What does your work need from you to thrive? Is it consistent effort, creativity, collaboration, or something else? - How does your work show you it cares?
Does your work provide opportunities for growth, recognition, or a sense of purpose?
Needs & Expectations:
- What are your needs in this “relationship”?
What are the things you need from your work to feel fulfilled and satisfied? Is it a sense of purpose, financial stability, flexibility, or something else? - What are your work’s needs from you?
What does your work expect from you in terms of effort, commitment, and performance? - Do your needs and expectations align?
Are you able to meet your work’s needs while also having your needs met? - Are you able to “negotiate” with your work?
Can you find ways to adjust your work responsibilities or expectations to better suit your needs and preferences? - What are your “dealbreakers” in this relationship?
Are there certain things that would make you reconsider your relationship with your work, such as a lack of respect, a toxic work environment, or a feeling of being undervalued?
Values & Alignment:
- What are your core values, and how do they align with your work?
Do your values regarding integrity, creativity, or collaboration align with the values of your workplace? - What are your work’s values?
What does your work prioritize and emphasize? Does it value innovation, efficiency, teamwork, or something else? - Do you feel respected and valued by your work?
Does your work recognize your contributions and efforts? Do you feel like you’re treated fairly? - What are the “love languages” of your work?
What makes your work feel valued and appreciated? Is it recognition, challenging tasks, autonomy, or something else? - What are your “love languages” when it comes to work?
What makes you feel valued and appreciated in your work? Is it recognition, challenging tasks, autonomy, or something else?
Well-being & Fulfillment:
- How does your work make you feel?
Do you feel energized, engaged, and fulfilled by your work, or do you feel drained, stressed, and unmotivated? - Are you able to be yourself at work?
Do you feel comfortable expressing your ideas and opinions, or do you feel like you have to suppress your true self? - How does your work impact your overall well-being?
Does your work contribute to your physical and mental health, or does it negatively affect your health and well-being? - Are you able to maintain a healthy work-life balance?
Do you have enough time for your personal life, hobbies, and relationships outside of work? - Are you “happy” in this “relationship”?
Do you feel satisfied with your work, or do you feel like you’re constantly searching for something more?
Hopefully, you can see the difference in your answers and that in the process of answering them you have generated some new insight. By asking yourself and reflecting on these types of questions, you can gain a deeper understanding of your relationship to working and identify areas where you might need to make adjustments to foster a healthier relationship to working and improve your relationship to work.
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