What is your relationship to sleep?
Your brain may have just gone “my relationship with what? Which would be a normal response to an abnormal question about your sleep quality. It forces active processing and hopefully prevents an autonomic answer
Everything in this universe is about relationships. You are relating to everything. The nature of which dictates your experiences. You have a relationship with me. To the people in the room. To your job. To your car. To yourself. To ideals. Even to this device.
Relationship expert Esther Perle says the quality of our lives is directly related to the quality of our relationships. She means of course relationships between people and I believe we can extend this idea towards ANY relationship.
the Quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our relationships
esther Perle
Reframing some of our struggles, issues, and problems through a relationship lens creates a different dialogue. We see our phenomenological narrative from a slightly different vantage point. Hopefully, in doing so we can produce meaningful insights. Insights move the way we think and relate to the world around us. This is a process of paradigm shifting.
This article series explores commonly problematic relationships within our life domains. My intention is offer a new paradigm for approaching problems without pathologizing our human experience.
The questions are self reflective and there is no right answer. No grade. Feel free to take what is useful to you and to leave behind what is not.
SLEEP
Let’s look at sleep from two helpful perspectives so that we the difference in lens from, a traditional material health view and an intrapersonal relational view. Both views are productive and both have value.
To better understand your sleep habit from a traditional lens ask yourself questions like: “How do I typically feel when I wake up in the morning?”, “What are my biggest sleep disruptions?”, “Do I often struggle to fall asleep?”, “How does stress impact my sleep?”, “What are my typical bedtime routines?”, “Do I prioritize enough sleep in my daily schedule?”, “What are the consequences of not getting enough sleep for me?”, “How does my environment influence my sleep quality?”, “Are there any underlying health concerns that might be affecting my sleep?” and “What are some positive changes I can make to improve my sleep habits?” Here are some questions for you to workbook or journal out.
Traditional Sleep Hygiene Reflection
- Sleep quality:
- Do you often wake up feeling refreshed or tired?
- How many times do you wake up during the night?
- Do you experience vivid dreams or nightmares?
- How easily do you fall asleep once you get into bed?
- Sleep patterns:
- What is your typical bedtime and wake-up time?
- Do you have a consistent sleep schedule even on weekends?
- Do you take naps during the day? If so, how often and how long?
- Sleep environment:
- Is your bedroom dark, quiet, and cool enough for sleep?
- What kind of mattress and bedding do you use?
- Are there any distractions in your bedroom that might disrupt your sleep (noise, light, electronics)?
- Lifestyle factors:
- How much caffeine do you consume and when during the day?
- What is your exercise routine and how close to bedtime do you exercise?
- Do you have any screen time before bed?
- What is your typical evening routine before going to sleep?
- Psychological factors:
- Do you worry or stress about things before bed?
- Are you often restless or anxious when trying to fall asleep?
- How does your mood affect your sleep quality?
- Health concerns:
- Do you have any medical conditions that could be affecting your sleep?
- Are you taking any medications that might impact you.
An alternative lens: Intrapersonal
Now, If you were to view sleep quality as a person you’re in a relationship with, you could ask questions like: “How do I feel when I’m trying to get close to sleep but it seems distant?”, “What are the signs that sleep is feeling neglected by me?”, “What are the things I do that make sleep feel most comfortable and secure?”, “Do I ever feel like I’m pushing sleep away, and if so, why?”, “When do I feel like sleep is truly supporting me and helping me thrive?”, “Are there times when I feel like I’m forcing sleep to be with me, even when it doesn’t want to?”, “What are the things I can do to show sleep that I value our connection?” Here are some questions you can workbook or journal out.
Relationship Lens Reflection:
- Communication:
- Do I listen to my body’s signals when it’s tired, or do I often ignore them?
- How do I communicate my needs to sleep (e.g., setting a consistent bedtime routine)?
- Do I ever feel like I’m not being honest with myself about how tired I really am?
- Quality time:
- What activities help me wind down and prepare for a good night’s sleep?
- How often do I prioritize a relaxing bedtime routine?
- Do I feel like I’m giving sleep enough dedicated time each night?
- Conflict resolution:
- What are the common issues that disrupt my sleep (e.g., stress, screen time, caffeine)?
- How do I handle situations where I can’t fall asleep quickly?
- Do I tend to get frustrated or angry when I can’t sleep?
- Mutual respect:
- Do I value the role sleep plays in my overall well-being?
- Do I sometimes feel like I’m taking sleep for granted?
- How can I show sleep more respect by making healthy choices during the day?
- Intimacy:
- What does it feel like to truly surrender to sleep and let it take care of me?
- Are there times when I feel most connected to sleep, like during a deep, restorative slumber?
- How can I create a more intimate and comfortable environment for sleep?
Hopefully, you can see the difference in your answers and that in the process of answering them you have generated a new insight. By asking yourself these questions, you can gain a deeper understanding of your relationship with sleep quality and identify areas where you might need to make adjustments to foster a healthier sleep pattern and improve your relationship to sleep.
If this was helpful please let me know and feel free to share any thoughts you might have. Subscribe for additional article notifications on improving life experience through relationship paradigm, grappling with existential issues, and mental health counseling with David Head. Share with friends and family by copy and pasting this link.
If you are interested in working with me directly for mental health counseling or coaching please complete a contact form and I will personally respond to introduce myself and to share how to make an appointment request.
Looking forward . . .
