What is your relationship to money?
Your brain may have just gone “my relationship with what? Which would be a normal response to an abnormal question. It forces active processing and hopefully prevents an autonomic answer.
Everything in this universe is about relationships. You are relating to everything. The nature of which dictates your experiences. You have a relationship with me. To the people in the room. To your job. To your car. To yourself. To ideals. Even to this device.
Relationship expert Esther Perla says the quality of our lives is directly related to the quality of our relationships. She means of course relationships between people and I believe we can extend this idea towards ANY relationship.
Reframing some of our struggles, issues, and problems through a relationship lens creates a different dialogue. We see our phenomenological narrative from a slightly different vantage point. Hopefully, in doing so we can produce meaningful insights. Insights move the way we think and relate to the world around us. This is a process of paradigm shifting.
This article series explores commonly problematic relationships within our life domains. My intention is offer a new paradigm for approaching problems without pathologizing our human experience. The questions are self reflective and there is no right answer. No grade. Feel free to take what is useful to you and to leave behind what is not.
Let’s look at money from two helpful perspectives. We can see how a traditional material health view and an intrapersonal relational view differ. Both views are productive and both have value.
To gain a deeper understanding of your relationship with money, consider exploring your past experiences, current beliefs, and future goals through a series of reflective questions.
Reflecting on Your Past:
- Earliest Memories:
What is your earliest memory related to money? Was it positive or negative? Did it involve receiving money, spending it, or witnessing someone else’s interaction with money? - Childhood Experiences:
How did your family talk about money? Did you have an allowance? Did you have to work for money? What were your experiences with saving, spending, and budgeting as a child? - Financial Education:
How did you learn about money and finances? Did you receive formal financial education or learn through observation and experience? - Significant Financial Events:
Can you recall any significant financial events in your life, such as receiving a large sum of money, experiencing a financial loss, or making a major purchase? How did these events impact your relationship with money?
Examining Your Current Beliefs and Behaviors:
- Money Mindset:
Do you tend to view money as a source of security, freedom, or stress? Do you believe you have enough money, or do you feel a sense of scarcity? - Spending Habits:
How do you typically spend your money? Do you spend impulsively, or do you plan your purchases carefully? Are there areas where you tend to overspend or underspend? - Saving and Investing:
How important is saving and investing to you? Do you have a savings plan or investment strategy? What are your financial goals for the future? - Financial Values:
What are your core values related to money? Do you value financial security, independence, generosity, or something else? How do your values influence your financial decisions? - Emotional Connection:
How do you feel emotionally about money? Does it evoke feelings of anxiety, excitement, guilt, or shame? - Financial Goals:
What are your short-term and long-term financial goals? Do you have a plan to achieve these goals? - Financial Fears:
What are your biggest financial fears or anxieties? Are you afraid of running out of money, not being able to afford something, or experiencing a financial crisis? - Financial Success:
How do you define financial success? What does it mean to you to be financially secure or successful? - Financial Communication:
How comfortable are you discussing money with others? Do you openly talk about finances with family, friends, or partners?
Planning for the Future:
- Financial Plan:
Do you have a formal financial plan or budget? If so, how well are you adhering to it? If not, what are the barriers to creating one? - Financial Independence:
What steps can you take to become more financially independent and secure? - Financial Goals and Priorities:
What are your financial priorities? How do you balance your immediate needs with your long-term goals? - Financial Education and Support:
What resources or support systems can help you improve your financial literacy and make better financial decisions? - Financial Legacy:
What kind of financial legacy do you want to leave behind? How do you want your financial decisions to impact future generations?
Additional Questions to Consider:
- Money and Relationships:
How does money impact your relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners? - Money and Work:
What is your relationship with work and earning money? Do you find your work fulfilling or do you view it primarily as a means to earn income? - Money and Giving:
How do you feel about giving money to charity or supporting causes you believe in? - Money and Happiness:
Do you believe that money can buy happiness? How does your relationship with money affect your overall sense of well-being? - Money and Values:
How do your financial decisions align with your personal values? - Money and Control:
How much control do you feel you have over your finances? Do you feel empowered to make financial decisions or do you feel overwhelmed or powerless? - Money and Stress:
How does money affect your stress levels? Do you experience financial stress or anxiety?
To understand your relationship with money as if it were a person-to-person relationship, consider these questions that delve into your emotions, behaviors, and values surrounding finances:
Getting to Know Your “Money”:
- What is your first impression of money?
Is it a friend, a foe, a tool, or something else entirely? What are your initial thoughts and feelings when you think about money? - How would you describe your “Money’s” personality?
Is it generous, stingy, reliable, unpredictable, demanding, or something else? How does your perception of money’s character influence your interactions with it? - What are your “Money’s” strengths and weaknesses?
Does it help you achieve your goals, or does it create stress and anxiety? Are there areas where you feel your relationship with money is healthy and others where it needs improvement? - What are your “Money’s” values and beliefs?
Does it prioritize security, freedom, experiences, or something else? How do your values and beliefs align with your “Money’s” priorities? - How does your “Money” communicate with you?
Do you feel you receive clear signals about your financial situation, or is it difficult to understand its needs and desires?
Understanding Your Dynamic:
- What is your role in this relationship?
Are you the provider, the caretaker, the dependent, or a partner? How does your role shape your interactions with money? - How do you show your “Money” love and appreciation?
Do you treat it with respect, invest in its growth, or do you neglect it and take it for granted? - What are your “Money’s” needs and wants?
What does it require from you to feel secure and thrive? Does it need to be saved, invested, shared, or used for specific purposes? - What are your expectations of your “Money”?
Do you expect it to provide security, freedom, happiness, or something else? How realistic are these expectations? - What are the potential conflict points in your relationship?
Are there areas where you struggle to understand or agree with your “Money’s” needs or desires?
Reflecting on Your Past:
- How did your childhood experiences with money shape your current relationship with it?
Did you learn to be frugal, spend freely, or something else? - What are the key lessons you’ve learned about money from your past?
Have you experienced financial success, hardship, or both? How have these experiences shaped your approach to money? - How does your “Money” influence your relationships with others?
Does it cause tension with family, friends, or partners? Does it affect your ability to connect with others on a deeper level? - What are your “Money’s” biggest fears and insecurities?
Does it fear scarcity, loss, or being used for the wrong purposes? How do these fears impact your financial decisions? - What are your “Money’s” dreams and aspirations?
Does it aspire to grow, support your goals, or create a legacy? How do you align your financial goals with your “Money’s” aspirations?
Moving Forward: - What changes do you want to make in your relationship with money?
Are you looking to improve your financial literacy, budgeting skills, or investment strategies? - How can you create a more balanced and healthy relationship with money?
What steps can you take to address any conflict or tension in your relationship with money? - What support do you need to strengthen your relationship with money?
Could you benefit from financial counseling, mentorship, or educational resources? - What are your hopes and expectations for your future relationship with money?
Do you envision a future where money supports your well-being, freedom, and happiness?
By approaching your relationship with money as a person-to-person connection, you can gain a deeper understanding of your financial habits, motivations, and values. This can help you create a more conscious, healthy, and fulfilling relationship with money that supports your overall well-being.
Hopefully, you can see the difference in your answers and that in the process of answering them you have generated a new insight.
If this was helpful please let me know and feel free to share any thoughts you might have. Subscribe for additional article notifications on improving life experience through relationship paradigm, grappling with existential issues, and mental health counseling with David Head. Share with friends and family by copy and pasting this link.
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